Gray to yeah!

i am craving colour today.
It is a gray day. Quiet. A non weather day. (Nothing untoward to talk about.)
It's a Monday.
I think I should either get up and dance to Dublin to Delhi (I like their beat), or lie down and meditate under the covers. Either one will dissolve the gray day in my mind and body. There is no reason to stay in the gray - on any day.

Log jam

Hello my friends,
I just spoke with a woman who has been reading my blog. She phoned to see if I was okay - because I haven't done it daily like I used to.  She has the most lovely sense of humour and she makes me howl with laughter, during and also after our conversations. Bless her heart for sharing this little story with me today. Someone knew a poet who wrote a poem every day of his life. When he was in his 80's or had he written every day for 80 years, no matter, someone said to him that he must have a huge amount of fabulous poems. Like, wow! The poet just said he had to lower his standards. Oh so funny! What a lesson for me. You never know where the juice comes from. And I feel all juiced now to write.
I even feel a bit of verbal diarrhea coming on.

So, there is no other way to get out of my head muddle except to do it physically. I walked yesterday. It helped a lot. Then I cleaned, well not really cleaned like scrubbing anything, but sorted out papers in the office, got rid of extra soap bits and bottles in bathroom, filled two blue bags with magazines (I did spend some time flipping through them, which was the fun part), and brought 3 bags of stuff to the thrift shop. And then I sat and had a shot of  maple whiskey and took a bath. I was so warm and toasty going to bed. It is one of the most lovely things to clean out stuff.

However, when I clean out stuff in the house, I also start to see more stuff, like the stuff shoved into the closets, or the stuff behind the stuff I just got rid of. So there is more. It's the same in my mind. I notice some thoughts, I mean really notice them. I find that sometimes thoughts are out at the side of my head. I know they there but almost out of reach of my peripheral vision. I know the feeling when they come to the front part of my head or mind. It's like yeah I knew that all along but just didn't want to acknowledge that I thought that. Or did that. Is that denial? Hmpf! Occasionally it's like a log holding back the water in a river and when you take it out, whoa, water just flows like crazy. So, mental blocks seem like that too, something just held back and then whoosh, here we go again.

In the last few weeks I have been noticing that we are a society of dismissers. I don't know how far into the culture or countryside this goes but from where I am standing I see a lot of dismissers. When someone shares something the other person first looks at what's wrong with it. "That can't be true because....." "No, that's crazy" "You're deluded"  "You're too naive" "I know something better". If we were little kids again what we might say is "Really?" "How cool is that" "Can I try that too?" "Wow" "Let's do it" "I would like to read that too" or any number of magic affirming words.

Well enough?

I have failed in writing a daily blog. It hasn't been daily. And it's amazing how when you let it go one day, it is way easier to let it go the next day. For me, this is the same in everything I do. I have trouble getting back on the horse. Even as I see it happen there is an excuse in my mind that seems absolutely plausible and real.....I'm too busy, I haven't got a fresh thought in my head, I'm so tired. I am really none of these things. I think I am lazy. Nope, that's not it either. I love to do it except, I notice, when I am not feeling good enough, or can't do it well enough, or felt I didn't do it, or don't do it well enough. Well enough for who? Maybe I am lazy too?

Anyway, here I am.
I have had lots of inspiration to write but haven't anyway.

I have been reading the book, Doppler, to Don every morning. It's about a man who moves into the forest and befriends a moose. They live together in a tent. He makes me laugh at his view of the life he left behind.....consumerism, niceness.

We have also been sharing a book by Dr. Dorian Paskowitz, Surfing and Health. The man is radical. And I love it. He left the world too and lived in a car with his wife for the first 25 years of their marriage. They also had 9 children.

I listened to two authors speak tonight at the library. They are natural storytellers. I was jealous.

So all these things have a theme and they have gurgled in my mind.

Sometimes I think that I just like everyone else and everyone feels like I do. But then I ask and they say they don't. I wonder if they do but don't know it. Or maybe I really am weird.

Bryon Katie says that when she walks into a room she knows that everyone loves her - but they don't all know it yet.

The Bodies of Grownups

The Bodies of Grownups 

The bodies of grownups

come with stretchmarks and scars,

faces that have been lived in,

relaxed breasts and bellies,

backs that give trouble, 

and well-worn feet:

flesh that is particular, 

and obviously mortal.

They also come

with bruises on their heart,

wounds they can't forget,

and each of them

a company of lovers in their soul

who will not return

and cannot be erased.

And yet I think there is a flood of beauty

beyond the smoothness of youth;

and my heart aches for that grace of longing

that flows through bodies

no longer straining to be innocent,

but yearning for redemption.

by Janet Morely

Bird Hat

I put my bird hat on today and left the car in the driveway.
Snow and blizzardy weather. A real winter. Yeehaa!

We walked to Pierre Shryer and friends concert at St.Paul's United. He is such a wonderful performer (fiddler) and we are so lucky that he makes his home in Thunder Bay. And Thunder Bay loves him!

Things I learned today.

I learned that McRibs have very little meat in them but they do have rubber as in shoes and yoga mats.

I learned that speaking in the first person when you have a dilemma is way better than telling someone how you think they should be doing something. I feel this - as opposed to - you are supposed to........ There is never anything to defend anyway.

I learned that sometimes it's good to just sit down and keep quiet. It keeps you out of trouble.

I learned that it is easier to enjoy washing the stairs and floors at work when I think about the workout I am getting and the weight I might be losing.

I learned to never trust the dog not to sit in my chair.

I learned that I am a messier person than I thought.

I learned that everyone is always doing the best they can.

And that's it!

Food

Don and I have thrown out anything we know about food. We're starting fresh.
What to eat?
We loaded up on veggies today. And fruit. We'll start with those.
Don is rummaging around in the cupboard looking for something to eat before bed. I had an apple and a banana and 5 almonds.

Tomorrow we are having mung bean soup (here are the beans soaking).

I love throwing things out of my mind and then restocking with something else!