Wednesday, 14 February 2018

A simple life

In the last week I've slept 11 hours straight every night. Awwww, how lovely it is to feel rested with no hurry worry in the mornings. Though I have been busy. Tonight everything is empty in my mom's apartment. It's clean enough for viewing to new tenants. With papers everything is done what can be done right now. Thankfully my mom led a simple life. Since she had already cleared out "stuff" when she left Australia she had very few things. And she was never a gatherer of stuff. No extra dishes or linens or papers. My house is a little full at the moment with all kinds of things I couldn't part with and no one else wanted. I'll sort it out later.

I'm leaving for Montreal in the morning. To see Minna, Jon, and little feisty Alice. My bag is packed.
I don't really have time to miss my mom at the moment. I think she would be pleased how everything is unfolding and coming together.

My dad passed away a long time ago and I never feel like he has passed away. I don't have a sense that he is gone. I just can't see him any longer. It feels the same with my mom. That pa and ma energy still exists and it's a very beautiful thing.

And I am the matriarch of my family. I hold the wooden spoon now.

Be well everyone!

My mom on her wedding day in 2012 in my garden.

Sunday, 4 February 2018

The rhythm of life and death

My beautiful mom passed on Friday evening.
Please do not be sorry for my loss. I have not lost anything. Instead I have received such infinite love and peace, that it overflows out of my heart

This experience has changed my life forever. Revelations. Love. Peace. Gratitude. Acceptance. Huge gifts. Healing through and through. My mom and I. Together.

Her living room was our sanctuary. When she passed with me gazing at her I hadn't slept for over 60 hours. We had a rough patch at night and I had given hell. No one was messing with me. I had a job to do. I was a midwife and we had a rhythm. My mom worked hard on her last day. A consistent rhythm of breath. Like a shaman's drum. After 9 consistent hours the beat ended. It was done.

The beat goes on in me. Literally. I felt like I was passed the torch. In this case it was a wooden spoon. I hope you're curious.

Thursday, 1 February 2018

Veer right!

What I said yesterday about never should do alone? I used bad vocabulary for one thing. And another today I would say I’m happy alone. I’ve got my hospice legs under me now.

I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

I may not write soon. I d rather focus now. Hang out with mom. Day or night she notices if I’ve left the room