Flux

My life is in flux. I am leaving in a few days for Vancouver to visit my daughter for a week and then to Australia to visit my mom. The Vancouver trip has been planned forever. Don is coming too as his daughter lives there as well. Just to Vancouver. 

Life happens and plans change. My stepdad passed away very unexpectedly last month in Australia. And less than a month later my mom was diagnosed with cancer. My visit is way more than a visit. It's me and mom. I arrive as she comes home from the hospital. We will work together to bring health and happiness back into life. 

At first everything felt so hard to do and sad. Then light shines again. Feelings change to anticipation of adventure. Healing. Movement. Joy. There is no room to brood. No time for extraneous things. Lots to do before I go as I don't know when I will be back. Two months? Three months? It seems strange to be so open to the universe. Not knowing what comes next is both freeing and scary. And every breath feels fresh and clean. The contrast between staying stuck in thinking about calamity and the open space of a still mind is huge. When I see it - it's easy to choose. I remember to choose peace. I remember to choose peace. When I remember.

Winter and spring

The birds are announcing spring today.
This winter, Sundays have become my cooking day. My brother and his lab-mix pooch, Buk, come for supper. I love to cook for him. He likes food and is super appreciative. Watching him eat makes me smile. That's my brother, not the dog. The dog has to wait to go home to eat. Today I made Jamie Oliver's Chili (with coffee as liquid). Yum!

It has been a month of "keeping death close". My ex father in law passed away 3 weeks ago, and my step-dad passed away 2 weeks ago. Death is a word we tend not to want to hear. It saddens us. It scares us. It's going to happen to all our loved ones. It will happen to us. Somehow though, it is death that keeps us close to life. My next breath may be my last. Why not make this breath the most precious, the most alive breath of all? And each and every breath after that. May I live life as if each breath were my last. I find this thought wonderful. May I keep death close and live.