Winter bear

A few days ago I said I was going to be a spring bear. It hasn't happened. And as you haven't seen a new blog for days it is proof that I am still hibernating.

I read a novel. Really good and even amazing how it reflected some of my mood. The Bone People by Keri Hulme.

I've tried to clean up my emails. I remember a time when I cleared them all by the end of the day. Not a chance any time soon.

My friend's husband passed away. You know how some people are married or together with someone for years and it seems they are just together. These two were not. They were really bonded, soul-mates, partners. It has made me think about life. What is it about? What is really important......and after a while I couldn't find much importance......except have I loved enough? Have I shown up enough as me? Or am pretending to be who I think I should be?

My cousin, Vuokko, from Finland, sent me a card. A beautiful card with a loving message. It brought me to thinking about her and I. I left Finland with my parents when I was 2 years old. Vuokko was 3 years old. The next time I saw her I was 18 years old. And I remember how we stared at each other. Not knowing what to say. Or how to be. We were cousins. And we didn't know each other. I remember her showing me a little chair that my dad had made me. A chair we left behind. I was jealous and sad. My chair! And I never got to sit in it. But she did. I think the saddest thing for me growing up was not having a family. (besides my mom and dad and little brother). I left my grammas, one I never saw again, and one I saw again as an 18 year old and it felt so weird. She was cute and lovely and I knew nothing about her. I saw other relatives that I didn't know I even had. My dad had a brother who hugged and hugged me. My family!

Hibernation.......