I attended a meditation workshop today. I wasn't teaching. I was listening. I noticed myself starting the day wondering if I would have said it that way, or if that was true, or if this was correct. I finally sat back and sat still. Just witnessing this marvelous happening. People talking about what is close to their hearts. How to be accepting. How to be loving. How to be peaceful. What IS love anyway? What does it mean to be peaceful? I felt a hunger for truth. The truth of all truths. What is the most important thing for me to crave? What a great word - crave! What must I have? I crave to be real. Myself. Something like the Velveteen Rabbit who gets more real as he gets loved and worn.
It's not easy to be myself. There seems to be a mask on when I am around other people. As if I am on display. I don't know why that is. And when I notice I was natural I look back and think -oops!- was I okay? Good grief! I want to just be who I am without any of that. I am happiest alone. I'm okay with that. I like my own company. I always say I am self entertaining. It hasn't always been this way. I'm glad I can say that now. I think a superhero has the capacity to self regulate. I think a superhero has a deep craving for something.
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